the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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