Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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