what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
