Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
