BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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