happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
