so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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