I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
