god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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