yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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