Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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