got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
