so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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