In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
