Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
