after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If its not for food we ain't going out.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
