My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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