he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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