I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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