Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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