its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
