and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
