Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
