non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i think i have two assholes
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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