I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
