Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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