You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
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I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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