Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just google imaged poop.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
