I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
