So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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