pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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