So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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