i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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