you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just gargled with NyQuil
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