I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
