So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
