It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
