Small penises have feelings too.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
