So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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