All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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