Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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