Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
