well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
