i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
