Swine flu. Run for my life!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She bit a glass in half.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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