My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
