You know, be my cock's hype man.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
