sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
