Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
