Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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