im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
