he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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