yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
