I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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