My first STD was from a foam party
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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