There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also, beer. Big fan.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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