At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
