She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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