Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
