the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
