Yo dont text me then not text me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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