Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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