I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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