Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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