So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
