Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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