my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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