im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
