My cat gives me a boner
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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