my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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