I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
