Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I want to have your abortion
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
