There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
