I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
