i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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