my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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