her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
