It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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